stuck on you

i came to a realization today, that really just makes me angry.

I'm not over my ex. I mean, I definitely don't have feelings for him anymore, but I'm still hurt. I still don't understand really what went so wrong. And I really don't understand what I did to make him hate me now. He was really the first real relationship I've been in since I came out, and it's just hard. I know I should move on, and just hold my head high knowing that someone better will come along. It's just tough to know that you weren't good enough. And it's not like we had the greatest relationship, since everything that went wrong was my fault. Irregardless, I having trouble just letting go and forgetting about him. I am still just so pissed and hurt. I thought I was okay, at least that's what I told myself, but for some reason I'm not.

It's just the fact that someone you care about, blatantly ignores you for two weeks and also attempts to cheat on you multiple times during your relationship. It's hard. How am I supposed to trust any man that I meet? I mean, this isn't the first time it's happened to me, being fucked over by guys. It seems that every guy I meet has fucked me over in some way.

None of this would have even occurred to me, had I not met this other guy. He seems great, and we talk a lot about everything. And this topic happened to come up in our conversation. And boom, all these emotions poured out of my mouth that I never thought I even had. It's just frustrating, and I'm tired of men, and tired of getting screwed over. I need someone who is looking for something with substance. Someone who will appreciate me. That's the goal.