conservatives ====>-----

i hate idaho, i hate ignorant conservatives, and most of all I HATE OLD PEOPLE.

so after coming out i considered myself pretty lucky because i never had to deal with the ignorant assholes that "disagree with my lifestyle" and think that i have chosen to be hated by literally millions of people. but now, i think i am starting to feel the repercussions. since i became openly gay, i haven't spent any time in my hometown, but i know that rumors have started as is commonplace in small towns in Hickville, Idaho. for the most part, all of my friends were very supportive and so helpful to me when i decided to come out. and to those of you out there reading this blog, thank you so much for that. i can't begin to thank all of you for the support and love. but i never quite realized those who weren't happy with my decision.

i was walking through the sorry excuse for a mall we have here, and i saw two girls whom i used to be rather close with. I waved and said hello, but all i got was an awkward stare and the cold shoulder. REALLY?! it just hurts me that someone i was actually friends with could do such a thing. i guess i should get used to the cold shoulder, but i don't want to! i don't think it's fair that someone should be able to judge me! because their christian life is more "respectable" than the life i lead?! I wish people would get off of their high horse, and realize that what i do in my personal life is MY business. GRR!

turns out i have lost more friends than i thought before, and originally i didn't really care. but it does hurt. i know that if they were true friends they would stick around, but it still bothers me. Like i said, i guess i should get used to it. and i'm sure there are plenty of other gay people who could relate to my situation, but i don't think it's fair. not at all.

next i'd like to talk about my grandpa and his girlfriend (on my mother's side). we recently went to visit them for my grandpa's birthday, and we took them out to dinner. well his girlfriend kept bugging me about my personal life. bombarding me with twenty questions. "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Are there any cute girls at GU?" "Isn't that waitress cute, you should get her number?" GOD DAMNIT WOMAN! had it not been my grandpa's birthday i would have screamed at the top of my lungs "I LIKE PENIS, BOYS, MEEEEN!!!!!" jesus. it just pisses me off that i have to sit there and answer all these questions respectfully when i just want to slap the woman and walk out of the restaurant. IM GAY! i don't want to hit on the waitress, i'd rather ask her where the pole is because her fucking make-up looked as if she were about ready to rip off her apron and perform a striptease. oh and i really love how my parents sit there and laugh at me while this woman bombards me with all of these questions. at least they could have said something, or tried to change the subject! grrrrrrr!

i'm fed up. just FED UP.